Posted by: rethots | November 26, 2007

…to be answered.

“You don’t have to answer this if the answer to the question is yes. Is this one of those things where if you can’t date her, you can’t even bear to be friends?

Just thot i’d ask and say i hope you are fine and work is going well etc etc.

I’m good.”



  1. my answer…..

    its funny how you would think that a tree as firm as love can bred fruits of friendship without a war…let sore and smelly wounds heal before we pretend they never existed. man your lines and garrison your gates, blood must flow for peace to reign….

    …re, now you got it out of me, hope we are all happy….. n [raised to the power of 2] a

  2. Sounds like a last ditched gasp on the dude’s part when he claims to not be able to be friends if he can’t get his way…lol

  3. with some people, it’s all or nothing. i can’t really say he’s wrong for it because he’d be settling for something less if he were to be just friends or it would be hard for him to contain his feelings as just friends.

    bottom line is…feelings aren’t right or wrong; they just are!

  4. and my case is the exact opposite…he wants both…how long do I resist him..he is my best friend yet I hunger for his touch but will I survive the aftermatch? what if he leaves me for another after he gets his way?

  5. oh well friendship is good for a relationship,after all u cant date ur enemy,how about check out this one, a guy dates a girl for close to six months and next thing he tells her lets be friends after he had eating her home made apple pie wat do u make of dat oh well

    this relationship and friendship thing is one field i dont really dig conversing about

    rethots thanks for the email,hope ur not one of my ghanaian school teachers

  6. men love to ride on this…its hard to be ‘friends’ with someone u have a longing for. it either becomes a passionate union, or a battle field. there’s no room for mere friendaship when hearts are intertwined, and sex is fiery.

    ps: oh my rethots, not for a second would i have thot u were a man! ur blog, posts, even comments u leave on my blog is so effeminate. are u one of ’em pretty women locked in a man’s body? lol!!!

  7. interesting…feelings are feelings…and as someone pointed out, neither right nor wrong…i’m more curious about why one gets those feelings…why it would be all or nothing…a need to connect/relate so strongly…that’s what i would want to know…

  8. @ Omosewa,
    …the post is a mail sent to zion (the 1st comment) by his former girlfriend. He didn’t respond to the mail ‘cos… (check his comment above)

  9. Thanks. So will his ex read his reply here?? And the reply is kinda harsh o, blood ke…

    *sigh* this love matter sef, too much drama.

  10. I have had guys tell me all or nothing. I hate that!! i would not want someone bullying me into going out with him, so i “bone” and let the friendship die.

    Sad but it happens.

  11. whoa!!…shit…just reread it and zion’s response…damn…jolted me uncomfortably…really umcomfortably…hmmnnn…it’s really easy to give a philosophical answer when its not about you or seems hypothetical…

  12. “it’s really easy to give a philosophical answer when its not about you or seems hypothetical…”….[let he who is without sin, cast the first stone]…..

    true talk, guerreiranigeriana[long name,…can i call u gue], true talk [like shakespare said in merchant of venice, ” a Daniel has come to judge, a Daniel indeed”]

    like Omosewa all drama here…but thats my life…i am a fan of the dramatic, shakesparian to the core, hence my response…but do not be fooled, i love her too much to have said that to her in person [lol, even after being dumped..Oh wretched man that i am,….]…so hereon reads my conclusion…

    Love and pain aren’t mutually exclusive and must come side by side,you cannot claim to love without experiencing the deep scourge of pain [as God couldn’t claim to love us without sacrificing his own..couldn’t help but say this…lol]…

    so have no fear, i cannot hurt the one i love,time would heal my pains and i will love again,just like my father did….

    rethots…i am so happy that my life has spiced up ur blog page….may we all live in interesting times…

  13. @ zion,
    You are simply impossible, express & spice up yourself as you so wish.
    I defy you to forward these comments to your dumper as an expression of the love you proclaim.

  14. hope zion will be ok…

  15. @ zion and rethots

    lol…….this was fun.
    And we all know zion is not going to forward these comments.
    He can’t afford to lose the game…can he?

  16. a.k.a ephraim, you are so right….of course, i won’t dare forward it [don’t mind rethots]….in the midst of all this, must see me pretend i am not missing her,hoping eventually this pretense will slip into reality….[lol, thanks pips]

  17. @zion…lol about the long name…you may call me gue…yeah, i guess love and pain do come hand-in-hand…why i told myself i’d avoid it…and then fell (funny that we ‘fall’ in love…)…and then pain…but i think that we can and often do hurt the ones that we love-we cause them pain…dunno why yet…i pray that you do love again…me too, but cautiously…even more cautiously than the first…oh, this thing called love!!!…

  18. hmmm, having known the full stoy I must say its kind of sad…but in this instance i understand Zion saying you need to heal first before you make any further moves and one can not heal from a relationship when faced with the cause of your pain everyday…looking happy,happier than she ever was with you.

  19. @ zion

    u know the quickest way to “slip from pretense to reality”…….go fall for someone else fast!!

    the only problem with that is that it might start a whole new cycle!!

    what are we to do….. “o wretched women/men that we are”…….

  20. interesting….

    in the end my reponse is that life/love is “complicated” whichever way u look at it…..

    but as someone once said love is like the army;Everyone complains about it, but you will be surprised how many people re-enlist!

    @ zion……go ahead man…!!!!!


    @ re-thots……make sure he doesn’t go astray ooo!!!

  21. Where have i been?
    INteresting discourse… Zion, i can relate with you on that level. but can i say i dared to take it a step further?… the war was fought but not against the “one”. It was against the “army” that said not to remain friends… Now, there is no fear in still loving (its like letting love sleep–king of sol 2) freely even when u know that door is locked.
    That way you can re enist in another game with a whole heart…

    Hope i made sense… (pardon my un shakesperean contribution…

  22. Question: Is this one of those things where if you can’t date her, you can’t even bear to be friends?

    ….it happens…still would…can’t bear to see you in the arms of another…

  23. Deep. Very deep.

  24. Hmm,

    Very, very deep and insightful discussion ongoing here, indeed war of the hearts.

    Today, I will talk from an effeminate view, i have been only in 1 true relationship, i am a traditional commited female hence this rel. lasted 8 yrs, yep. literally married (from 18 yrs).

    Anyhoos, i broke it up but am lucky as I’m a xtian God has made me to a real blessing to him, so we get in touch if we must, send msgs like festive periods and birthdays etc.

    I don’t hate him @ all, on the contrary, I keep praying for him, he was my 1st in all the things that matter. for me, we are still friends and I would want it to remain so.

    There’s soemone I had a brief ‘thingy’ with, dunno what to call it as we were VERY, VERY, close but no sex, so i guess affair/fling does not fit? anyway, he’s now married and we chat if we have to, also, i broke the rel. off and understandable wt him, he was really hurt and for whatever reasons we never really talked until now that he’s married, he’s in Nig and am in london, wt me, I feel nothing at all, just glad that i can communicate wt them and hopefully do biz. or sumthing together but its easy for me to say as I have never been used and dumped, no?

    Its just really funny and sad that I know once sex is involved, dumping is particularly painful and difficult, moreso, for a female.

    Ok, I will come back wt an attempt at the male perspective and possbliy the ‘dumped’ angle as well.

    Thanks, rethots, this is a really great blog and no, am not related to the previous commentators…

  25. watch this space…

  26. someone drew my attention to this piece just this week and i must say this is what blogsville is all about. real people & issues. we learn. how old a blog piece is don’t matter in this world.

    the reason for a breakup is also key as to maintaining a friendship.

    i have loved & lost. one even married my friend, though we did not officially date date, we were hot. i loved him enough to want him to be happy.
    could we sustain the friendship? a lot of honesty was involved & we succeeded. yup, time was plenty necessary.

    always a good idea to give everything time especially these heart matters.

    People breakup and keep communicating b4 u know it exs are having it on and drama & gist & everything just ends up a mess.

    i know this is 2 years later, zion has moved on and they are probably cool now but hey, these things still happen.

    @ naijachic & rethots – i will watch this space… 🙂

  27. The friendship can occur, but in my experience it is slightly brittle. It isn’t rock solid because one person will still hurt somewhere or there are questions still unanswered. But we all smile, say hi, send happy birthdays cards and add them as friends on Facebook. That is just politeness making the world go round.

  28. i think that relationships grow from a freindship so, if it dont work you drop back to the freindship therefore if you cant date her try cherish atleast the freindship

  29. No, i do not believe in all or nothing. Great friendships have evolved from relationships that just couldn’t be.
    Great blog by the way. Thanks for your visit and comments.

  30. me i am childish o
    if i dated you and it was a terrible breakup

    i can be polite but not friends
    i don’t like to leave room for any sticky spots

    nice debate topic sha

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